Thr Exact Science of Matrimony

Short Tastes - Your personal guide to the world of short stories

 

Writer: O Henry

Year of Publication:1919 (from the anthology 'The Gentle Grafter')

Genre: Comedy

Plot Summary:

Two men get together to do the perfect scam - open a marriage agency, fool unsuspecting suitors out of their money, and then pack up and enjoy their earnings. The plans they employ are foolproof.

 

 

Excerpt:

"We fixed up an advertisement that read about like this:
 

"Charming widow, beautiful, home loving, 32 years, possessing $3,000 cash and owning valuable country property, would remarry. Would prefer a poor man with affectionate disposition to one with means, as she realizes that the solid virtues are oftenest to be found in the humble walks of life. No objection to elderly man or one of homely appearance if faithful and true and competent to manage property and invest money with judgment. Address, with particulars.

Lonely,
Care of Peters & Tucker, agents, Cairo, Ill.
 

"So far, so pernicious,' says I, when we had finished the literary concoction. 'And now,' says I, 'where is the lady.'
Andy gives me one of his looks of calm irritation.
'Jeff,' says he, 'I thought you had lost them ideas of realism in your art. Why should there be a lady? When they sell a lot of watered stock on Wall Street would you expect to find a mermaid in it? What has a matrimonial ad got to do with a lady?'
'Now listen,' says I. 'You know my rule, Andy, that in all my illegitimate inroads against the legal letter of the law the article sold must be existent, visible, producible...'"

 

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