The Unknown Citizen

by
W. H. Auden

(To JS/07 M 378
This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content 
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace:  when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

W. H. Auden (1907- 1973) was an Anglo-American poet (born in England and migrated to America), known for his variety in style as well as subject. The Unknown Citizen is one of his most popular poems. It is a satire on the lack of individuality in a society, and its eventual dscent into such bureaucracy that individuals are known by their Identification Numbers only, and are acclaimed for leading a conventional life.

Ta'arruf

by

Noon Meem Rashid

Biz Guru: Tension Not!

This article is dedicated to Dale Carnegie.

One of the impressive works of Dale Carnegie includes How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Pretty cool, huh? Well it is. This is because it is about many ways through which you can avoid the deadliest disease of all- WORRY. Don’t believe me? Well I didn’t either some time back, but believe me it works. A few examples of diseases caused by worry might help you understand how deadly this WORRYING habit can be. The list goes: pneumonia, lung cancer, brain cancer, serious depression leading to nervous breakdown, heart attack, insomnia, eating disorders (especially for those women who are weight conscious), anxiety, panic attacks, etc., etc., etc.

So what to do???

Well, of all the techniques of avoiding worry the most cited and commonly used by 19^th and 20^th century billionaires like Andrew Carnegie, Rockefeller, JP Morgan is:

No.1: Ask yourself what is the WORST thing that can happen to me?

This is a pretty powerful thing. Especially when a person realizes that what he or she has lost is only money or a temporary relationship or some illness or any other thing. What is the worst thing that can happen to me? This question will most definitely solve half the problem as now our perspective toward the problem would change. What seemed like a world-ending catastrophe would sink into our minds and appear infinitesimal. Instead of thinking about the problem that “Oh my God, what am I going to do now?! I’ll die!” we will have a comfort in the form of,  e.g. “ Yea I’ve got an F in Calculus , what’s the worst? Well nothing.  I’ll take the course again next semester, will work hard and probably get a B- or a B. THAT’S IT! It’s not like my life’s ended or something. Now let’s move on! “

No.2: Evaluate the problem with the facts given

Now once you have the worst case scenario in your mind, you are at ease mentally. So what’s next? Dig out the facts (Don’t find the solution yet) and more facts and more facts. This is because when you are collecting information/facts 99% of the time the solution automatically comes to you. Ask yourself what caused the problem, what you could have done more, or any other question that would help you analyze the situation.

No. 3: Find a solution to a problem, if you can. If you cannot,  than ask others for help.

Now comes the part where you have to find a solution. Find a solution by which you and your problem/enemy have a win/win situation;  and if not possible, a solution that can minimize your losses or damages. Either think of it yourself or seek advice from others who you believe are in a good position to guide you.

These three points, if applied, will tame the worry beast in your mind, and leave it to be more productive in other matters!

(Biz Guru is an ordinary IBA student with extraordinary dreams and a penchant for reading business and success literature. The plethora of books he has read on the subject makes him an expert, capable of advising us lesser mortals on the intricacies in the world of money-making.)

A few words on the 'Poet Extraordinaire' Faiz & his Ghazal

 

Lord Arthur Saville's Crime

Short Tastes - Your personal guide to the world of short stories

 

Writer: Oscar Wilde

Year of Publication: 1891

Genre: Suspense, Irony

Plot Summary:

Lord Arthur, a young English nobleman, has his hand read by a palmist and discovers that his destiny is to commit murder. Now he feels that his life is doomed and that he cannot possibly marry his betrothed, Sybil Merton, while this horrible fate hangs over him. He has only one option before him - to  silently commit murder before his marriage, in such a way that he is not incriminated, so that he and his wife can live the rest of their lives in peace.

Comments:

Do we control our fate or does it control us? Oscar Wilde has tackled this age-old topic in his own witty style. Do not expect this story about murder to be gory and gruesome. Wilde uses his classic humour and irony to entertain all the way through!

Excerpt:

"But when Mr. Podgers saw Lord Arthur’s hand he grew curiously pale, and said nothing.  A shudder seemed to pass through him, and his great bushy eyebrows twitched convulsively, in an odd, irritating way they had when he was puzzled.  Then some huge beads of perspiration broke out on his yellow forehead, like a poisonous dew, and his fat fingers grew cold and clammy.

 

Lord Arthur did not fail to notice these strange signs of agitation, and, for the first time in his life, he himself felt fear.  His impulse was to rush from the room, but he restrained himself.  It was better to know the worst, whatever it was, than to be left in this hideous uncertainty.

‘I am waiting, Mr. Podgers,’ he said."

Click here to read the complete story!

Source of Image: http://www.eso-garden.com/images/uploads_bilder/history_handlesen.jpg

Sick

by
Shel Silverstein

'I cannot go to school today, '
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
'I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more-that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut-my eyes are blue-
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke-
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is-what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is...Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play! '

Shel Silverstein was famous for his sense of humour, especially since he was a cartoonist. This particular poem reminds one of the good old days when we didn't want to go to school and made all sorts of excuses..... Ok, I admit,  we still make them! There's nothing wrong with a little laziness, as long as your excuse works on your professors (or boss) as well as your parents!

 

Source of Image: http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-1001-1121-5440_Cartoon_of_a_Sick_Little_Girl_with_a_Thermometer_in_Her_Mouth_clipart_image.jpg